The end is always closer than the beginning...

Isn’t that what being young is about, believing secretly that you would be the one person in the history of man that would live forever?
-David Aames, Vanilla sky

I talk a lot about the power of the mind, and willing your reality into fruition. I think it fascinates and excites me because it can change your whole world. One thing it cannot change, and which is a great source of apprehension for me, is that despite owning an iron will, nothing can stop that inevitable march towards a cold and bitter end.

I bring this up because over the Thanksgiving holiday I spent some time with my Grandma before she passed.

As I sat on her bedside my mom handed me a paper that outlined her bed exercises. I was fixated on the sheet of her bed rehab regimen because I couldn't grasp that the power of the human body and spirit could be reduced to what most people would call tossing and turning in bed- things that the youthful give not a second thought.

I tell tales of my 20th rep with 225- her tales would be filled with "sit up in bed" and "bring knees towards chest." With friends I boast and brag about the weights I've conquered that day- she was lucky to conquer the commode.
As a bodybuilder, it's hard to wrap your head around basic human functions as the biggest challenge of the day. Did she dread a spongebath like I dread leg day? She aspired to be able to sit upright without folding like an accordion; the able can't comprehend taking a shower as a grueling affair.

There comes a point where despite all your will, father time wins.

The pain about death is two-fold. One you mourn the loss of your loved one, but secondly, and perhaps more painfully, is the realization that you too are not exempt- death yells "hey buddy, ya you, I see you in the corner..." This realization is ofter tortuous because humans are inherently ME-centric and this reminder of our mortality is unwelcome.

Despite my deep fear of death, the adage "Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse" is actually sounding like a relatively appetizing proposition.