A Bodybuilder's Nightmare

Last night I dreamt I was getting ready to jump on stage, but instead of having dieted for 16-20 weeks, I was going on stage as I am right now- no tan, hairy legs, extra gut etc. etc.  Hell I dont think my hair was even done.

This is the 2nd time I've had this dream in the last month or so...

I wonder what it all means?  I think my body knows that, hey idiot, it's march and you're not dieting, what's wrong with you??? I've been on a diet this time for the last 2 years, so it probably feels weird not killing myself.

It also probably has a lil to do with the fact that I'm packing a lil more gut baggage than I find acceptable.  

Me, carrie, john, and one of carrie's coworkers are going on a 4 week cut starting April 1 (who's the real fool?)  Why dont u join us?

How Could You Be So Armless!?!

I'm not the happiest with the size and development of my arms, They are definitely lagging in overall development- but hey, they're a work in progress. Most pros brag about 20+ inch guns. Mine stretch the tape at about 17 1/4 or so.

On Saturday night I had a dream that I had some inoperable bone cancer in my arms, and that they'd have to remove both limbs to save my life. Obviously I was upset, and was trying to think of all the things I could no longer do.
No longer would I hug, easily drive, play basketball, but worst of all, most lifts would be out of the question. I woke up so freaked out, and I think I slept funny making my arms tingle and burn while asleep. It actually took me a few seconds to realize, ok this is just a dream.

I am a lot more grateful for the arms that I have than I was before Saturday.

A Six Pack- The 16 Eggs a Day Way

John and I do this for 16 weeks and I'll I get is blog hits from Africa, Asia, and Europe.
This guy does it, and apparently this is newsworthy for some reason...

"I cannot go anywhere in Vegas without people asking me how my abs are doing," he said.

Really guy, really?

"He's just skinny" says Carrie, and I have to agree....

I do this for 16 weeks, and I dont end up on CNN? WTF!?!?!

This is why you're fat...

To be sung to the tune of "This is why I'm hot..."

Holy cow

An entire blog dedicated to grossly delicious mutant food pairings, and fried debauchery... Dont look at this if you're hungry, or if even if you're full. It's a good thing this wasn't sent to me when I was on my diet... And you thought the food pr0n post was bad...

http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/

Thanks Cr1key!

1st MASSage...

Let's face it, there's no cool way for a guy to enter a spa... It's kinda like there's no cool way for a girl to pee standing up- there's just rules embedded in our DNA that are unbreakable.

In recognition of my Birthday Week efforts, Carrie wanted to treat me to a 2 for 1 spa deal where we got side by side massages...

Now I figured, Jay Cutler gets deep tissue work done quite often, so I can take a bodybuilder's approach to it, right?

I walk in, and the extremely soft spoken receptionist greets us. I notice the smell of peppermint and lemons. The air is warm, moist and quiet- there's cucumber infused water pitchers everywhere. I'm convinced it is physically impossible to be angry in this lobby.

We're led to our room with 2 beds, pure moods on blast so hard that I think that an Indian Chief with a coyote is about to hop out the closet. We're told to disrobe and make ourselves comfortable by two of the masseuses- who both probably dont weight 200 lbs combined.. We're asked if there are any areas we'd like them to focus on- from the unforgiving deadlifts and rack deadlifts, I know my lower back and traps could use some TLC. She then asks what intensity I'd like, giving the options of light, medium, or "deep." A man of pride, I can't say anything but deep, so away we go...

I lay face down and they return, and I am treated to some scented oils that really relax me.

Then it begins. I dunno if while I'm laying down with my face in the padded massage face cut out they slight 100lb rub master is switched with a lumberjack with really soft hands, but suddenly I'm getting manhandled.

I musta got the ol' bait n switch cuz she was kickin my butt...

I was going in expecting a relaxing experience, but really it turned out to be quite the challenge- I was still about sore from my Friday chest workout, and I swear she could feel where I needed work. Until she hit my quads- she worked them joints so hard I didn't know if I wanted to cry or laugh- I was digging my nails into my side in order try and not giggle. After trying to just bite my lip and bear it, I had to tell her to pump the brakes on the IT bad work though- that stuff was NO JOKE.

Now I'm back home and Im so relaxed, it's unreal. Let's see if it helps loosen me up for leg day tomorrow. I couldn't imagine going the day after squats.

Funny Take on 1975 Olympia

1975 Olympia - Cheap Seats
Uploaded by Tech9

In Your Face!

pWn3D
Epic Fail
etc.

Treadmobile

Run in place no more!

Cool Shirt

Geoff would say "The beach is (FLEX) that way!"

Up close shot of it:
Thanks John!
Available Here:

MTV Made- I Want to Disgrace The Sport of Bodybuilding

MTV has this reality show called 'Made' where they take someone completely out of their element and try to make them into something that is out of character, hoping to totally blow the minds of the participant, their friends and their family. A few weeks ago they turned this prissy girly girl into a BMX biker, or they take geeks and turn them into prom king, etc.

Last weekend John dropped me a text saying "Made: I want to be a bodybuilder" was on. Excited, I literally hopped outta bed and hit record on my DVR.

What a disappointment.
First of all they pick this kid Cody, who's probaly 30% bodyfat and give him 8 weeks to prepare for a show. That's like asking a kid to take a quantam physics test after taking pre-calc. He's never touched a weight in his life and when asked what he knows about bodybuilding, he answers:

"Bodybuilding means like, going to the gym and lifting some weights and then jumping on the treadmill for 10 or 15 minutes then eating a bowl of chicken or something like that."

Oh boy.

But he has help. Figure athlete Ava Cowan, and one of the world's best light heavyweights Peter Putnam but you can call him "Pump" (insert rimshot here. Mad corny.) are recruited to help him out. In reality, it's really good opportunity and I couldn't help but think what a waste it was.

Anyways, here's a short synopsis:
The kid with no heart kicks and screams his way through a pretty easy diet and cardio regimen, loses 20 lbs, and then is slathered in pro-tan and jumps on stage. Then he runs through some poses with Cathy LeFrancois and Silvio Samuel. Magically he has the confidence he never had before.

"Can I stop? My mouth is like.... so dry!" <-- Actual quote

This is what I call inappropriate flexing!

Anyways, it's still worth watching.
Check your local listings and enjoy. I'll post the episode once MTV posts it.

Bodybuilders: Check your local listings and grab a wastebasket because it's going to make you sick to your stomach.

Lucky us! Bodybuilding disgraced by mainstream media again! Bravo!

It's Real!!!

I wonder if her cube smells bad...

Work-Walking! I've posted pictures here of concepts before, but I didn't think it there were people actually doing it- here it is in action!
Here:

Awesome Pic!

Small Days

I've often heard that girls have "fat days" or "ugly days" where they just feel like they look crappy or fat, even though nothing's really changed. Well I think bodybuilders have "small days" where u just dont feel big enough and the dysmorphia kicks in.

I was having a "small day" until I spoke with Joyce.This made my day.

My friend Joyce ran into a guy who went to my High School this weekend, and took a shot in the dark to see if he knew me.

Joyce: i was like do you know ryan yokogawa?

me: haha

i can totally picture u saying that

Joyce: joey, "yea, he's buff right?"

me: LOL

This was NOT my rep in HS (see post below) so I guess I can end my "small day" early...

Add an Inch...

So last night I was watching Oprah (yes, I watch oprah, but don't tell anyone!)

Dr. Oz was on and he said that obese men gain 1 inch of penis length for every 35 lbs they lose.

If that's not incentive, I don't know what is! If you need me, I'll be on the treadmill and not eating carbs...

Country Bugs=Country Protein

THIS ONLY GETS FUNNIER EACH TIME U WATCH IT!

Work it...

Here:

PWN3D

Dirt Off Ya Shoulders...

Finally a candidate I can relate to!

How To Judge a Dude By His Food

LOL