Shadow of my former self...

This weekend I was hanging out with some of my extended family.
The number one topic of discussion when I haven't seen family in a while is bodybuilding. Either uncles or cousins will want to size me up by asking me how much I bench (and they're usually baffled that I dont bench), or they want to know how they can get back into fighting shape (don't we all?)

My good cousin John was singing my praises and bragging to other family that under shirt lies a beast, an impressive one at that. "This guy is cut like u wouldn't believe!"

Here's where the off season shame of a bodybuilder comes in. I see the pro ball players, big, strong, fast, and cut up all year long.TO's got 99 problems but his 6-pack aint one...

As a competitive bodybuilder, I am in the best shape of my life one or two times a year, and decent shape the last half of my prep, usually 8 weeks out of the year. The rest of the time, I am a complete blubbery mess. Ok, not really, but I am definitely nothing close to what I've looked like on stage. When you open the door to muscle gains, a hint of fat usually sneaks in with it. Depending on your genetics, some get more fat than others. I'm what they'd call a mesomorph (although I used to think I was an ectomorph, or hard-gainer, but I was just not eating enough.) Ironically if your fat gets too high it will also inhibit muscle growth, so it's a fine balancing act.

Call it luck, (good for me, bad for her), but when I met Carrie, I was in the middle of my first contest prep. I remember telling her, "Don't get used to this, I dont look like this all year long."

But being the good woman she is, she hasn't minded my less chiseled physique.

I am my harshest critic. Reading the mags and websites etc. I hold myself to a pretty rigid standard, probably against guys who are like me, only in shape a small window of time. Hell look at Lee Priest. It's nice walking around looking like a beast, and it's pretty disconcerting when the shirts that were tight loosen up, but there's got to be a happy medium!

Lee Priest, ~300 lbs
Lee Priest, 200 lbs

Here I am, more than 6 months later, and I think my deep seeded fear of the treadmill has subsided. I find myself employing the tabata method , followed by 30 minutes of moderate intensity (3.0 mph, 10% incline) cardio 2-3 times per week. I'm even doing abs, even though it bores me to complete death (but is helping on my big exercises like deadlift/squat.)

Diet wise, I'm getting my protein in, and tracking it on my iPhone, but I'm still eating what I want. Deprivation is not something I'm good at.

I look at my contest pics, and would love to walk around like that all the time- but I remember all too well what it took to get there. So for now I'll let people think that I'm walking around like TO, until I can figure out a more humane way to get the physique to brag about- I'll just learn to live with the guilt.