Triangle Man Cometh, Triangle Man Goeth

If you have ever stepped foot on the UC Berkeley campus between what seems like the late 90's up to now, you undoubtedly know about "Triangle Man"

Who is Triangle Man you ask? He's a permanent fixture at the Recreational Sports Facility, asian ghetto, and many other popular student haunts around campus. He is the subject of legend, spawning fake myspace profiles, facebook appreciation groups,and his following has garnered bigfoot-like cult status.

Triangle Man- his obvious lat width is apparent in this sighting at the asian ghetto near UC Berkeley

He likely earned the name triangle man because of his complete imbalance in upper body development, chest and lats, and complete lack of legs. His outfits also helped shape his monniker- you can ALWAYS find him clad in uber tight spandex and velour tops, fanny pack, dark sunglasses, earphones and tight jeans all year long- not even the gym can get him out of his uniform.

Triangle man Spotting
Who's legend is bigger? In the East Bay, TM wins hands down!

I remember seeing him around the gym, and dude was strong. He trained mostly with machines and often used the entire stack on the chest press. I think that the chest press and the ab machine were all I ever saw him use. I was my scrawny 150 lb self so I was eager to get bigger by any means necesssary, but I knew better than to solicit him for help. Talking to him would be like crossing the streams in ghostbusters, or touching your future self in Back to the future- basically the whole universe as we know it would cease to exist. So I plodded along in mediocrity for the rest of my college career while he and his mass completely took all the wind outta my sails during each encounter. The ubiquitous amounts of alcohol probably didn't help my hypertrophy pursuits much either.

Triangle man at a party?

Fastforward 7 years and a whole lot of protein later, I'm at Ranch 99 (which is an asian marketplace/strip mall) with Carrie. We had just eaten Pho and were headed to get some Boba. I see this cat sitting at a table with an extremely large laptop, tight Lance Armstrong Biker's top, and a milk tea. I tell her that he looks like this dude I used to see around campus called Triangle Man. But this was not him. Triangle man is a giant, a monster, a man amongst boys. This guy was 150 lbs, maybe.

I get my drink and as I walk out I peer back in and see that the guys desktop is a picture of Triangle Man doing a chest press. It all comes together.

This is Triangle man!!! "It's him I tell her" in subdued excitement. Then my excitement turns to a bit of melancholy reflection. The man who I once revered was now a deflated shell of his former self. It's not supposed to work this way. There is no way I'm supposed to outmuscle Triangle Man. It's an achievement and an outrage at the same time. It's unthinkable and unamerican.

What's next, Santa Claus is fake? Mom is really the Tooth Fairy? Man this is nuts...